You have lots of time, and it will go fast
Many times I've hard the question, "If you could tell your younger self one thing, what would it be?" and I've struggled to give a good answer. Sure I have little pangs of agreement when I hear the common answers, "Don't sweat the small stuff", "Swing for the fences", "Dance like nobody's watching, and sing like nobody's listening", "Don't worry about what other people think; they're too busy worrying about what you think," or even, "Don't worry about what other people think; most often they don't."
Lately, as I've added a non-zero digit after the 4 in my age, I've been considering many things I can arguably no longer do, or more accurately that I no longer think are worth the effort for the portion of time I have left.
When I was in my early twenties, fresh on my own from the family household, everything was a possibility; I wanted to do everything, learn everything, and meet everyone. The more I did, the more I wanted to do, new opportunities kept arising and I said yes to all of them on the spot, not wanting to miss and event, activity, experience, or time with a friend. When I asked people how to do something, I was met with the well-meaning albeit dismissive and unhelpful comment, "You've got lots of time."
Yes, that was true. I did have lots of time. But I was rather frustrated by the comment, and didn't know how to ask my questions differently, such that I could get some useful guidance from someone older than me, and at the time, everyone was older than me. As time went on, I met more people that were younger than me, some of them asked for any helpful advice I could impart from my apparent successes. Even thought experiments I had about what I would say to certain younger people, what could I tell them to help them stand on my shoulders, and get them past the mistakes which wasted so much time for so little gain.
Short aside to define "waste" and "gain". Gain in this sense is progress toward the life I want to live, and being the person I want to become. Waste is to discard recklessly, and as it relates to time, to spend time on things which I don't want, to impress others, or achieve something that I think I should achieve but isn't something I actually chose for myself.
A quote, from what I consider one of the best educational sitcoms, is when Roz is talking to a 19 year old who lists off many things that he can do in his life, in part because he is so young, and her response was, "Yes, you can do anything, but you can't do everything." This hit me hard. This was starting to get to the useful advice I was seeking.
"One must give up much, to get on with something."
Chorus from the well-meaning peanut gallery: "What do you want?" "What are your goals?"
These questions, for some reason, were like nails on a chalk board to me. I didn't know what I wanted, and I certainly didn't want to write down goals and lock myself into that. I didn't know everything yet, how could I chose from infinite possibilities, most of which I didn't know about to consider? I wanted the things I didn't have, and hadn't done, almost for that sake alone. But what am I supposed to do? I knew that question was "wrong" since it was externally directed, but what I meant was, what "should" I do so that I arrive at the end of my life satisfied, nay overjoyed with the results? Certainly I couldn't avoid all unnecessary actions, but how could I at least head in the "right" direction?
"Work will expand to fill the time allotted for its completion." - Parkinson's Law
If I couldn't do the right thing, set the right goals, until I knew what there was to chose from, then the "work" was to find out everything, and the "time allotted" was as long as it took. Here lies the fundamental error in my process. I could spend the rest of my life "finding out", and never working toward anything in particular.
"Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal." - Early Nightingale
My insatiable hunger for self improvement, personal development, and life tools, lead me to become a "collector" of tips, hacks, quotes, insights, lessons, advice... But the problem with constantly being in collecting mode, was a complete lack of practice in doing anything. This went further to being afraid to do anything, because after so much time spent collecting, I had better do everything right, compounded with less time left to do whatever it is I wanted to do, which I still had yet to determine.
Alice: “Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
The Cheshire Cat: “That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.”
Alice: “I don't much care where.”
The Cheshire Cat: “Then it doesn't much matter which way you go.”
In an essay by Peter Drucker, reprinted in Harvard Business School short books (what are these called, link to them) he introduces the idea that one's 20's are to find out how they operate, and find out which circumstances lead to performing optimally, then use that in consideration for choosing a career by the age of 30.
In this sense, I felt my years of doing everything that came up was useful, although I was missing a key step in the process: reflecting on what worked and didn't work, what I enjoyed and disliked, which environments were supportive and which detracted from my creativity and ability to perform, then refining on the next pass, specifically searching for and doing more of what worked, less of what didn't, progressively honing in on what works for me. Also, he mentions a time to allot to the task, roughly one's 20's; this criteria would have been helpful, but I didn't get the memo.
Future article about MBTI and working from home and how most biz books say not to do it, but I've found I couldn't imagine any other way.
What is the advice I would give myself, and anyone else?
- Start now - Pick something, anything, and do it. It doesn't matter what "it" is. There is nothing to measure, and no parameters for learning, if there is no application.
- Learn - what you need, when you need it. I will come across tasks and concepts which require skills and training beyond which I already posses; go get them, avoid getting stuck in the land of navel gazing and unlimited learning, and get back to performing.
- Reflect - This isn't just resting, this is taking time away from performing, to view my actions and results as if by a third person, then refine and chose intentionally what I will do next.
- Enjoy - Regularly, at scheduled intervals to build the practice, practice gratitude. Aside from its own emotional and psychological benefits, a lifelong struggle up a hill is exhausting. Take time to enjoy (not reward) where I am, and who I am.
"You have lots of time, and it will go fast." - Dean Stratos